Postpartum Anxiety, what a B right? According to my IG poll, many of you experienced some form of it. Honestly, when I became pregnant, I thought I had this in the bag! I was up for the challenge, read all the books, had an incredible delivery and then BOOM, about 2-3 weeks after he was born, my help left, my husband went back to work and I felt like I was drowning. From the looks of things, I really did seem to have it all together, but my heart would race, sleeping was nearly impossible and the tears seemed to flow without warning.
I found out we had to move across the country when I was SEVEN months pregnant. We moved out of our home when CJ was 3 months, moved in with our in-laws for three weeks and then moved 3,000 miles away from our family and friends. Needless to say, it wasn’t the glorious postpartum life I envisioned, but is it ever? Sure! Some of us our blessed with the “dream baby”. The go with the flow, sleepy, wonderful little bundle of joy. CJ was many of those things, but he was NOT a day sleeper and he was generally a fussy newborn unless I laid with him on the couch all day and breastfed around the clock.
As he got a little older, I was OK, but often on edge and extremely resentful. I missed my old life, I was jealous of my husband and gosh darn it, I was sleep deprived, in need of a manicure and had a human constantly needing me (Senior and/or Junior). I was a far cry from the girl I was only a few months prior. Today, we are battling different battles like taking away the bottle or getting him dressed while he flails around like a psychotic alligator, but we are sleeping well, have our routine down, I am back to work and honestly, after I acknowledged the anxiety and got settled in our new space, I slowly felt myself come back to life andI wanted to take a moment to let you know how that happened.
How did we get here?
I finally recognized it:I was Facetiming with my mom in February and after seeing me she said: Tay, I think you may be a little depressed. BOOM. I just thought this what new mom life was supposed to be. You know, hormones and all that. This was deeper though, I felt lonely in a way I never had before and I scheduled an appointment with my OB the next week.
I spoke to my doctor: I explained to her about our move, new baby, career put on hold and she assured me that she thought this was more a bi-product of environmental stress, but wanted to screen me for postpartum depression just in case. As expected, I was on the cusp. Functioning, extremely happy at times and then sad, very sad during other times. She gave me a reccomendation for a postpartum psychologist, but recommended I join a few local mom Facebook groups and to sign CJ up for a couple of classes.
The next week we signed up for swim and I joined Peanut AKA “tinder for moms” and went to my first first Stroller Strides class. I met a couple of great mama’s in the area and before I knew it, I felt more attached to the “real world” and a little time outside of the house, in fresh air and around people was welcome. My doctor said postpartum anxiety is relatively normal, but not always talked about. So, I was happy to speak with her to normalize my feelings to a certain degree.
I shared with others: It may sound silly, but sharing with friends and on social media helped me realize that I was not alone. Modern mothers face anxiety on the daily. We are a generation trying to do it “ALL” and trying to tell ourselves we can. Well, yes we CAN, but we need help. All of you who took the time to send messages of support and encouragement healed me and gave me the strength to keep on keepin’ on.
One of my best friends also had a baby a few months prior and we leaned in on each other. You see, many people who surrounded her were in baby bliss and we weren’t feeling the same way. LOL It was so glorious to hear us about eight months later, singing these babies praises, talking about baby number TWO and simply beaming with pride because we made it to the motherland. The place you always hear about, but it just took us a little while longer to get there.
Just know there is no time limit. For us, the love for our babies grew over time. The first few months were simply survival mode.
I Hired Help: Of course, no one will compare to having your mom there to watch your tiny humans, but if I wanted to get back to work or go get an hour to myself, I needed help. I hired two great sitters and slowly but surely embraced mommy time. Usually, that meant a workout class and a quick coffee or pedicure, but it was all my time. I had to work hard to let go of reins and the thought of someone else watching my baby did take some getting used to. At that point he took two, two hour naps a day so I tried to schedule the sitters around that time. Now, I am over it and cherish the minutes we have together, but I am also VERY OK with heading out into the real world baby free. I sip my oat milk latte, write these cathartic blogs and savor every dang sip without looking at my watch!
I Started Exercising Again: Movement and exercise has been such a large part of my life and when we moved to California, I was basically skin and bone with a receding hairline. CJ and I took long walks every evening and it helped me to build stamina. Then, when he was old enough, we joined the gym where they had daycare. I could get a couple of hours to myself and re-build what I lost over the past year. Muscular strength!
With each class, I regained my confidence in myself, endorphins began to flow and then Barry’s came into my life. My first class, I was scared to death and sprinting at an 8 was my max, but the music, the instructor, the community. THIS was what I was missing. Since then, I have GAINED 7 powerful pounds and feel stronger and more empowered than ever.
Focused on my Diet: Nutrition is the cornerstone for my ability to function! A healthy diet rich in fruits vegetables, whole grains and legumes is the key to keeping my energy sustained and my happiness in check. Once we got settled into our space and my niece came to live with us I was able to get back into the kitchen, prep healthy, nutrient dense meals and chuckle at my time spent sitting on the floor with a fussy 3 week old, just trying to eat some rice and chicken.
I began soundly communicating: You guys, I am by nature very even keeled, but having a baby left me with a very short fuse. I cried a lot, and wanted Cory to read my mind. (NEWSFLASH: Men CAN’T do that.) I had to rationally communicate my needs and in turn he met me half way. I take jobs and he takes a work from home day to save money, bath time is all his, I want to go take a 5:30 AM Barry’s class, he is on duty. This is not considered BABYSITTING, this is his duty and he happily leans in. It is in a women’s nature to put everyone else needs ahead of their own. I have skipped my fair share of doctors and dentist appointments this year, but that is not always best. Talk to your partner and find a way to express your needs. At the end of the day, that teammate should step up to the plate for you!
I am not a postpartum expert in any way, just a fellow mama who likes to share HONEST stories. I STRUGGLED and I have prevailed with hard work and dedication to myself. In turn, I believed that has helped CJ thrive, love other adults and together, we found our way. If you are struggling with postpartum blues and anxiety seek help. Talk to someone NOW…even me, I am here.
And friends, if you do not have a baby, but you are friends with someone who does, just SHOW UP. Bring them a hot meal, force them to take a shower or lay down baby free, fill their fridge with groceries or bring them a coffee and go for a walk. I regret not doing that for my friends, I simply didn’t know the magnitude of change. Could you imagine if men had babies? You would think the world was ending daily. Mama’s YOU ARE A FORCE OF NATURE!
Anyway, a big thank you to each and every one of you who was there for me this year. I could not have gotten to this place without you.