Happy Monday! I recently embarked on a journey. A journey I did not even realize was necessary until it began. A couple of months ago it hit me. I wake every morning up with a need for coffee to start my day and found myself winding down in the evening with a glass of wine 3-4 times a week. Our generation, the modern 30-something woman is all about trying to live the most balanced life we possibly can. We are coffee/matcha fueled powerhouse moms, working women, trying breathlessly to balance work, exercise and social obligations without taking a moment to breathe. We are a culture doused with anxiety and depression at alarming rates and comforting ourselves in excess. After 68 days of only drinking coffee, water, tea and kombucha I wanted to share a few thoughts and tips to help you do the same.
Over the years I have seen some friends do a “Dry January” or an alcohol cleanse, but I truly felt that I have had a completely normal and healthy relationship with alcohol. My ability to feel a buzz is sometimes instantaneous and my hangovers are terrible and last way too long nowadays. Because of this, I can easily go out to dinner and stay under two drinks, but it was also just as easy in the same breath to split a bottle of wine with my husband on a Tuesday for NO. DAMN. REASON. After some time, like any repetitive behavior, drinking simply became habitual. Not something I really loved or enjoyed, but did because it seemed to be what my friends, husband and I did when we were together.
Not only that, but my husband and I love Napa. We belong to wine clubs, we love to cook and enjoy the entire experience-wine included every step of the way. A couple of months ago I wanted to peel back the onion and take note of the impact wine was having in my life and how I would feel if we cut it out completely. So, at the end of January, with the impending likelihood of COVID-19 becoming a worldwide pandemic, we did what any normal couple would do and decided to cut out alcohol. Our stash of rainy day hard liquor went down the drain and our wine fridge was stocked yet locked and we haven’t looked back.
I would love to sit here and say that I haven’t thought about a glass of wine, but that just has not been the case (more on that later). I simply told myself that if I cut it out for nine months with CJ, how was this any different?
Working on letting go? Here are a few things you can do!
- Sit down and emotionally evaluate the benefits wine/alcohol brings into your life. Like write it down to read in black and white and let it sink in. Other than temporary enjoyment and fun memories of wine tasting. There was not much past that. We recognized our drinking patterns nearly became a habit and how do you break a habit? Well, everyone is different. My husband has a military background and cold turkey is his way. For me, I needed distraction. (More on that later)
- Find an accountability partner: Thankfully, Cory was there to do this with me, but having someone to work through this process with can be extremely helpful. You can bounce ideas off of each other and help redirect your thinking!
- Evaluate whether or not alcohol has a negative impact on your life when you consume it. Again, write it down. We wrote down our past relationship with alcohol, how we feel after even just having a glass or two, the impact it has had on our food choices, sleep and skin. As we age, consumption choices are becoming harder and harder to bounce back from and alcohol fuels the excess fire.
- Create healthy distractions/rituals: Again, I wish I could say that once I got past my first week of not consuming alcohol that I did not crave it, but alas, I did and almost gave in a time or two since the Shelter in Place order has brought back my chest clenching, upper body tingling anxiety, but I have had to ultimately find different coping mechanisms and build a toolbox that would benefit me long term.
- Recognize your triggers: For me, wine consumption always started around dinner time. It was my trigger to start winding down for the day. Recognizing your triggers is extremely important when it comes to almost anything in your life, but especially as it relates to consumption.
My trigger…We love to cook. Cory loves charcuterie before dinner and when the cheese and crackers came out or we started to chop, chop, chop wine followed.
The Key for me has been DISTRACTION. I do not try to discharge the thought from my brain because that just makes the thought bigger than it needs to be, but I have adjusted my ritualistic behavior and found distractions that have helped overcome my want for a glass of wine:
- Now during that time, I still take out a wine glass, but I fill it my favorite kombucha & turn up the music. It is still a special drink with a different taste and I get the feeling of the relaxing feeling of the glass without the side affects of the wine.
- Sip herbal tea, hormone helper hot chocolate or bone broth after dinner helps me feel a sense of calm. Tea and bone broth can have fantastic medicinal and calming benefits. Sip slowly and create a ritual behind it. Possibly journal for 5 minutes or dive into a fun/silly book. Lately, we have brewed tea and started a 1,000 piece puzzle to take us away from the world. It helped redirect our focus onto something mindless yet soothing.
- Limit other caffeine laced stimulants: Caffiene increases the cortisol levels in our body which ultimately taxes our adrenals which can lead to increased anxiety. Limiting caffeine in your diet can help decrease your risks for feelings associated with grabbing for the wine bottle. Remember coffee to wine is the culture we are trying to navigate and it is a hard one to break! I am a 3 cup a day kind of gal and I am working my way down to 1.
- Exercise, movement or after dinner walk: We have been enjoying a post dinner walk to help digest our dinner and download on our day. Yes! We are working from home, but we are still working and with the added stress of the pandemic and increased daylight ours, we get some fresh air in our lungs and often return feeling relaxed, digested and with the ability to make healthier choices.
- Meditation: This one we are working on. I started when I did a HypnoBirthing Practice and transitioned into traditional meditation practice using Headspace. We dabble around with the Calm and Peloton App meditations to her us sleep.
- Added “Mind Strong” Mornings to our routine: Now this one was created by my husband. Always an early riser, but after having my son, I have forced myself into becoming a morning person as well. Wish there was an easier way to say this, but JUST DO IT. Force it. Rip off the bandaid and give yourself a bit of time to become centered before the chaos of the day gets the best of you. I promise, it will be the best thing you can do for yourself this yeat.
- Cory get’s up at 4:30 AM to workout and do his own independent work. Then he comes in with coffee for me at 5:30. We DO NOT turn on the news or look at our phones. We do something positive for our minds before anything else.
- This includes:
- Reading a chapter of “The Purpose Drive Life” Daily
- Subscribing to The Daily Stoic and for him The Daily Dad
- Working Out for 20 minutes or simply talking about the subject we just read.
- We have done The Five Minute Journal
What we feel now:
- Cory of course, lost 20 pounds Lol. I have lost bit, but was consuming less on a regular basis. Also, I have remained pretty much the same weight and am likely intaking more processed sugar thanks to our friend COVID, but overall I just feel better and have the ability to concentrate at a higher level throughout the day.
- We are able to fall asleep immediately. When we would drink wine it would often lead to us feeling restless or unable to fully digest our meals prior to sleep. It would make falling and/or staying asleep more difficult. Now, lights are OUT by ten and seven to eight hours of sleep is the norm.
- My skin is brighter, fresh and more clear. Alcohol is dehydrating and since I am focused on decreasing both my coffee and alcohol intake, my water intake has increased and breakouts have also decreased. My skin just feels more alive and vibrant even in the dry Cali weather.
- I do not wake up cloudy. Even with 2 glasses of wine, it would take me a while to get going. Now, once I drink my water first thing in the AM, I am ready to rock and roll! YES! Even at 5:30 in the AM.
Before we close, Joe Gutierez, Marriage and Family Therapist who specializes in alcohol addiction kindly agreed to chat with me about this topic.
His advice:
- If you can stop drinking for 30 days straight then you likely do not have an alcohol addiction, you may simply be a heavy drinker. If you cannot stop for 30 days, consider seeking help.
- If you are a drinker and do not know where to draw the line, he suggests asking an important question: “Does alcohol impact my life in a negative way”. If the answer is yes, you may consider talking to someone and getting help.
- He also suggests picture putting alcohol side by side with your favorite fresh squeezed juice. 99/100 times the fresh squeezed juice is going to be so much more satisfying and delicious. Finding an alternative is a great distraction (Hai Kombucha).
- Lastly, he stated that when you are triggered to drink to acknowledge it and know you ALWAYS have options in that moment and to think about weight out thecost vs. benefits of the options. You can drink the wine, but how will you feel after? An hour later? Tomorrow morning? You could choose not drink and do something more beneficial with your time, what is that that you could do?
Anyways, even if you have a perfectly healthy relationship with alcohol, I truly believe that redefining your relationship to it and how it serves you can be extremely powerful. Right now, with not having commute time or work dinners to run to you can find a few moments for self-reflection and self-improvement. I know that we will re introduce wine back into our lives at some point, but right now, I do not feel the need to. I feel like it will serve in a way that enhances a special meal or a celebration and I will now enjoy it as an occasional indulgence by drinking slower and savoring every sip!
Good luck on your journey and feel free to DM me or e-mail me anytime!